I am not a girl, I am a woman, 
I am intelligent, literate, loving, longing, 
I work hard when I can get a job that doesn't care how I look.
I am a perfectionist. Light as air. 
I long for cleanness.
Look at me ! 

Don't look at me. I long to hide away.

I want people to look at me with delight. 

I might be killing myself 
Slowly. 
I wonder if it feels like that. 
or if one day I will be lighter than 
air

Is this something in my mind ?
Something you can argue me out of ? 
Is this something in my spirit
longing to get out, to burn free ? 
Is this something in my heart 
hurting and longing ? 
Is this something in my flesh 
Insulted by flesh, 
drawn down by it even as I - 
punish ? Do I punish ? 
 

whom do I punish.. ? 

For centuries you've taught us that the spirit must be freed from the flesh. Though even God became flesh. 
Who has told the lie ? 
Who is the Father of lies. 

And in this daily, hourly, minute by minute second battle, in this long standing war, Who is on 
my side ?

This is something, in my soul. 
Do you know how to pray for me ? 
Do you know how ? 

And is it me - or am I just the centre of a war which takes many forms. 
Is it the way we think ? 
The way we assume we ought to be ? 
Is it what we think is attractive romantic ? 
Is it what we think of as  pure ? 
Is it what we think of as holy ? 

Is the war one of Image? Of dysfunctional relationships? Of broken selfhood? 
To whom shall I turn ? 
Does anyone wait for me ? 
Do I want - anything ? 
from anyone ? 

Do not pity me

Have mercy
 
 
 


DEFENCE

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